I was conflicted about that headline. Did I make mistakes because I didn’t know myself or because I didn’t accept myself?
As I was thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that it was both, but it started with the knowing. How could I possibly accept myself if I didn’t even know myself or understand myself?
I made mistakes because I didn’t have a clue about who I really was deep down.
I didn’t understand my personality. I didn’t know what my passions or purpose were. I didn’t have clarity around my values.
I didn’t know what I really wanted or what would really make me excited to be alive.
And until I figured all that out, I kept making a lot of shit choices.
3 MAJOR MISTAKES I MADE BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW MYSELF
1. I Chose A Career Path That Was Not The Best Fit
Because I didn’t know myself, I had no clue what I would find meaningful and engaging to do for eight hours a day for the rest of my working life.
As a matter of fact, I didn’t even know that doing something meaningful and engaging was a major value of mine.
So my early career choices were driven mainly by money and status and security and “what would other people think”.
Needless to say that approach put me in career misery!
2. I Put A Lot of Effort into Relationships That Were Not Mutually Beneficial
Because I didn’t know myself, I didn’t really know what to look for in relationships.
I didn’t know what kind of people I was most likely to easily connect with or what interests it would be nice to have in common. I didn’t even know what kind of social life would be the best fit for me in terms of number of friends or frequency or type of get-togethers.
So my entire social life was completely driven by chance with no intentionality behind it whatsoever.
In hindsight, it’s not terribly surprising that I ended up with lots of acquaintances I didn’t feel that close to, lots of social events I had to force myself to sit through, and lots of feeling like a lonely weirdo.
3. I Subjected Myself To Way More Stress Than Necessary
Because I didn’t know myself, I put a lot of effort into pretending to be someone I’m not – trying to fit the idealized image of a person I was “supposed to be” or who I felt other people needed me to be.
The problem here is that constantly going against your nature is very effortful. Constantly twisting yourself this way and that to fit in a box designed by someone else can get to be incredibly stressful.
And that’s what pretty much my whole life was all about.
BASICALLY, I BUILT A LIFE THAT WAS A PRETTY SUCKY FIT
Instead of living a life that was well aligned with my personality, preferences, and values, I had created a life that was a poor fit for who I am as a person.
It sounds kinda depressing but it’s the truth. And when I finally realized that this is what I had done, I first felt like I had failed royally. I mean was I just dumb to have screwed up my life like this?
But I have since then come to realize that I’m not dumb. I just didn’t know any better. Nobody had ever told me that there are normal human differences in personality, preferences, and values. Nobody had ever told me that different people need different kinds of lives. Nobody had ever told me that it was OKAY to want a life that was well aligned with who I was.
Another thing I’ve since realized is that I’m far from alone in having lived through this predicament. Since launching my website, I’ve heard from hundreds of stressed out readers who feel dissatisfied with one or more aspects of their current lives, but who are not certain what they want instead.
This uncertainty usually stems from either lack of self knowledge or lack of self acceptance.
AND THIS IS WHY I CREATED THE DESIGN YOUR BEST LIFE ONLINE COURSE
Design Your Best Life is an online course that teaches you how to design a life that is a good match for your personality – a.k.a. a life that you actually like. 🙂 Via short video presentations and workbook exercises, this course will help you:
- Gain an in-depth understanding of your unique wiring and your needs and desires based on 10 aspects of your personality.
- Recognize your talents, strengths, passions, and purpose and decide in what ways you can realistically start putting them to use.
- Realize what matters most and confidently navigate competing priorities.
- Set immediate and long-term goals designed to move you closer to your ideal life.
- Adopt a process for overcoming obstacles (no time, no money, no family support) and learn how to conquer the fear and self doubt that have held you back in the past.
WANNA FIND OUT MORE?
If yes, check out my FREE video class. In addition to finding out more about Design Your Best Life, you’ll learn:
- The SECRET to creating a lifestyle that maximizes happiness and minimizes stress.
- The simple 5-step process for turning your life around even if it seems way out of reach and you have no clue how to get started.
- The 3 critical mistakes that keep people stuck in life and how YOU can avoid them.
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