The 2 Quintessential Introvert Problems (And How To Overcome Them)

By Anni

The top two introvert problems and how to overcome them...

Did I ever tell you that I feel major pangs of regret whenever I think about the name of my website? I TOTALLY should have named it something with “introvert” or “HSP” in it.

Like Solutions To All Your Introvert Problems. Or The Introvert Problem Solver. Or Your HSP Introvert Mentor. Or one of the gazillion other BETTER names that run through my mind every time I get stuck in regret mode.

Typing out the title of this post just reminded me of all the better names and put me straight in that mode, which is probably appropriate given that the ACTUAL topic of this post also has quite a bit to do with regret.

The other day, a fellow introvert was reminiscing about her high school days. She said she would spend a lot of time sitting apart from everyone with headphones on and nose in book.

My immediate reaction upon hearing this was regret and envy. Why didn’t I do that more? Why didn’t I let myself keep my own company and just sit around reading books? That’s what I really wanted to do. It’s just that I was too afraid to not be a part of the “in” crowd.

But you know what I learned when she continued? Although she was living what I now know to be my ideal life, she wasn’t happy.

She wasn’t happy, because she was watching people like ME – the ones with tons of friends and a busy social life – and feeling bad about not being more outgoing and confident. You know, the way you’re supposed to be!

And THIS, my friends, is how you end up with a world full of unhappy introverts. Two pathways – two different but equally pesky introvert problems – same outcome.

The top two introvert problems and how to overcome them...

Introvert Problem #1: Acting Like An Introvert But Wanting To Be An Extrovert

Many introverts live in alignment with their temperament, spending lots of time engaging in quiet solitary activities and only fostering a few close relationships.

But instead of letting themselves enjoy the kind of life that comes to them naturally, they drown in negative feelings. They feel bad about not living up to the cultural ideal of an outgoing people person. They feel like there’s something wrong with them for not enjoying the kinds of things “everyone else” enjoys. They feel guilty for not putting themselves out there. For not trying harder.

They keep wishing they were more like the extroverts.

Introvert Problem #2: Faking It As An Extrovert Because You Are Too Scared To Live Like An Introvert

Then there are the fakers like me. We try harder. Oh yes, we try!

We aim to please. To Confirm. To be everything anyone wants us to be.

We go out. We participate. We smile wide. We speak up. We accumulate friend after friend after friend.

But while it might look like we are winning the battle against our nature, we are actually losing big time.

We are stressed out. Exhausted. Crying ourselves to sleep at night. Yearning to disappear. Yearning for the noise to stop.

Wishing that we had the strength to just be ourselves.

Solution To All Your Introvert Problems

So what’s an unhappy introvert to do?

Well, the solution for both categories of unhappy introverts is:

  1. Learning to appreciate your introverted nature.
  2. Gaining the confidence to ignore societal messages and to live your life in alignment with your personal values and preferences.

You get that appreciation and confidence by immersing yourself in the wonderful world of introverts! Read introvert books and learn about the science behind introversion. Find out what type of an introvert you are and start emphasizing your strengths rather than your weaknesses. Visit introvert websites and connect with fellow introverts (in spirit is fine 😉 ).

And the next time you’re by yourself – introverting – savor the moment and remind yourself that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing!


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  • The 3 critical mistakes that keep people stuck in life and how YOU can avoid them.

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About the author 


Hi! I'm a life coach, a Certified MBTI® Practitioner, and a mentor for stressed out introverts and highly sensitive people. I used to be one myself! My mission is to help you discover your true self and create a life you ACTUALLY like.

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  1. An astute observation. Identifying as an introvert and HSP I share many (overwhelming so) of the thoughts, feelings and experiences expressed over this website. Which I love by the way – the website, I mean, not so much the introvert struggles. I find the articles very well expressed and written, and very helpful and uplifting especially since anxiety and depression are constant companions. Introvert “guilt” has been a major major part of my life. Still working on it in my fifties. Identify with being stuck. Also in the “wrong” workplace / job for years. It has made me very ill, escalating the chronic anxiety and depression to new heights. Thank you for making me feel better about, and not alone in, doing this to myself. It is absolutely time, well overdue actually, to use depression and anxiety as a alarm to make change. Thank you for your website and to readers for their comments and contributions. I enjoy reading about you all and it is a relief to feel understood and not so alone.

    1. Hi Jacie,

      Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and for the kind words on the website. It means a lot to me to hear that it has been helpful!


      1. Thank you so much for making this, I am not joking when I say I am a 12 year old writing this, everyone that I have ever met has called me a crybaby. I take things way too hard and listen to my fake self. I over-anaylze EVERYTHING! Thank you for posting this because I understand as a kid how we basically bother our moms on a daily basis. (I try to be the perfect daughter, but I never have the courage to tell my mom about me being a hsp.)I know this is really weird coming from a 12 year old.

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