Did I ever tell you that I feel major pangs of regret whenever I think about the name of my website? I TOTALLY should have named it something with “introvert” or “HSP” in it.
Like Solutions To All Your Introvert Problems. Or The Introvert Problem Solver. Or Your HSP Introvert Mentor. Or one of the gazillion other BETTER names that run through my mind every time I get stuck in regret mode.
Typing out the title of this post just reminded me of all the better names and put me straight in that mode, which is probably appropriate given that the ACTUAL topic of this post also has quite a bit to do with regret.
The other day, a fellow introvert was reminiscing about her high school days. She said she would spend a lot of time sitting apart from everyone with headphones on and nose in book.
My immediate reaction upon hearing this was regret and envy. Why didn’t I do that more? Why didn’t I let myself keep my own company and just sit around reading books? That’s what I really wanted to do. It’s just that I was too afraid to not be a part of the “in” crowd.
But you know what I learned when she continued? Although she was living what I now know to be my ideal life, she wasn’t happy.
She wasn’t happy, because she was watching people like ME – the ones with tons of friends and a busy social life – and feeling bad about not being more outgoing and confident. You know, the way you’re supposed to be!
And THIS, my friends, is how you end up with a world full of unhappy introverts. Two pathways – two different but equally pesky introvert problems – same outcome.
Introvert Problem #1: Acting Like An Introvert But Wanting To Be An Extrovert
Many introverts live in alignment with their temperament, spending lots of time engaging in quiet solitary activities and only fostering a few close relationships.
But instead of letting themselves enjoy the kind of life that comes to them naturally, they drown in negative feelings. They feel bad about not living up to the cultural ideal of an outgoing people person. They feel like there’s something wrong with them for not enjoying the kinds of things “everyone else” enjoys. They feel guilty for not putting themselves out there. For not trying harder.
They keep wishing they were more like the extroverts.
Introvert Problem #2: Faking It As An Extrovert Because You Are Too Scared To Live Like An Introvert
Then there are the fakers like me. We try harder. Oh yes, we try!
We aim to please. To Confirm. To be everything anyone wants us to be.
We go out. We participate. We smile wide. We speak up. We accumulate friend after friend after friend.
But while it might look like we are winning the battle against our nature, we are actually losing big time.
We are stressed out. Exhausted. Crying ourselves to sleep at night. Yearning to disappear. Yearning for the noise to stop.
Wishing that we had the strength to just be ourselves.
Solution To All Your Introvert Problems
So what’s an unhappy introvert to do?
Well, the solution for both categories of unhappy introverts is:
- Learning to appreciate your introverted nature.
- Gaining the confidence to ignore societal messages and to live your life in alignment with your personal values and preferences.
You get that appreciation and confidence by immersing yourself in the wonderful world of introverts! Read introvert books and learn about the science behind introversion. Find out what type of an introvert you are and start emphasizing your strengths rather than your weaknesses. Visit introvert websites and connect with fellow introverts (in spirit is fine 😉 ).
And the next time you’re by yourself – introverting – savor the moment and remind yourself that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing!
P.S. WANNA LEARN MORE ABOUT LIVING IN ALIGNMENT WITH YOUR PERSONALITY?
If yes, check out my free video class. You’ll learn:
- The SECRET to creating a lifestyle that maximizes happiness and minimizes stress. (HINT: It has a lot to do with your personality. ? )
- The simple 5-step process for turning your life around even if it seems way out of reach and you have no clue how to get started.
- The 3 critical mistakes that keep people stuck in life and how YOU can avoid them.
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